Letter to Limbaugh

Dear Rush Limbaugh,

I don't hate you on principle. I don't wish you a slow and agonizing death, nor would I take immense pleasure in seeing you covered in painful and unsightly boils...Though I did, once, suggest on twitter that I would not be offended were you to contract food poisoning.

So far, so good. I'm not one of those crazy leftist wingnuts who has "tampons stuffed in her ears" (So clever on the radio today; a dash of sexism when no one expected it! I am continually amazed, Mr. Limabugh.)


Now, Rush Limbaugh, I must ask; Why are you such a tool? In what part of your angry little brain did it seem like a good idea to make the comments you chose to make regarding Haiti? Could you picture your eloquent political arrow zinging president Obama right in his "light-skinned" chest? Did you get to put a big ol' check mark next to "Capitalize on Immense Human Tragedy" in your day planner? I'll bet that was darn tootin' wonderful wasn't it, Rush?

Oh, and we can't forget to thank Mr. Pat Robertson! Without his initial moronic misstep, You would have pulled the first "asshole" card! Thank God for the martyrs of the Christian Right! (ed. note: I have nothing against the majority of the Christian Right, A smidgen of bitterness notwithstanding.)

And we must take a moment to thank Free Republic for backing you up. Whatever would we do without a legion of zealous, oppressive, hate-mongers to spew rhetoric and meandering justifications. So! Great!

Also, I didn't know my income tax was going to Haiti. Are you sure it isn't sponsoring sex education? Oh, wait, it was gay marriage, wasn't it? Abortion! No? You must forgive me, between plotting how best to capitalize on Haiti's destruction & all the other leftist deviousness, I'm losing track of President Obama's Grand Master Plan of Progressive Evil.

Now I know you didn't really say not to donate to Haiti...There's that silly progressive-controlled media again, hmm? You were just giving us all a friendly heads-up that if we innocent little lambs contributed our hard-earned dollars to Haiti through our corrupt federal government, those dollars were more likely to be used to pay for a campaign aide's gay hooker in Vegas, right? Because, I mean, that's clearly what will happen. Clearly.

So Thanks, Rush Limbaugh, for clearing that up for me. I always wondered how many dead bodies it was ok to slander in order to take advantage of a so-so political slam!

Awesome.

Most Sincerely,
Molly